The Quiet Time Companion----Guidance (lifestyle)

Romans 8:28-39

God's Goals

1. List what God has already done for us in Christ. What are God's goals for us now and in the future?

>In all things God works for the good of those who love him
>He called his people to be like him
>God is for us
>He gave up his only Son for us
>He was raised to life for us
>Promised that nothing can separate us from his love

2. Can anything prevent God's will to take effect?
No.

3. Memorize vs. 28-29
"And we KNOW that in ALL things God works for the GOOD of those who love him, who have been CALLED according to his purpose. For those who foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers".

Something that I need to remember is that God is for me and not against me. Sometimes I feel like this is not true, but that it what Satan would want me to think exactly. That the God I proclaim to believe in is not there for me. In reality God is probably sooo close that I could just reach out and touch him. I feel like he is far away right now because I am becoming discouraged by life and circumstances. Lord help me to keep my eyes fixed on you and not on the things of this world. If I look at the world...it is not in great shape. Earthquakes in Japan, tornados in Santa Rosa, babies being killed through abortion. It is a sad world out there. I need to be looking to you as my hope and peace and running towards you DESPITE what my flesh and mind wants to think.

I hope to pass this anatomy class. The first half is over and I have a 65% in the class. Help to me put it behind me with your strength and keep on pressing on. Help me to renew my mind in this class filling my brain with positive thoughts and a can do attitude. My teacher has told me not to drop....so that says something because she is def. one of those teachers who would let me know if she thought I needed to drop.

I need a job or some source of income Lord. I think the babysitting with Rebecca may be off since Anna got mad and cried. Those kids are so spoiled. Molly is cool, but Anna may turn out to be interesting. Show me some more temp jobs Lord. Do I go around putting up babysitter flyers around? Show and guide me Lord because at this point I can't see the next step. What I see is my money running out and not even paying rent and barely being able to pay for bills. I eat out here and there because cooking all the time gets tiring. Show me Lord and help me to trust that you will provide.

I confess my sin to you. I have been cussing and I KNOW its bad and the sexual sin. I want to be free from these so bad. Today is a new day. Give me the strength to make it through this Saturday without cussing or looking at the computer or thinking thoughts that will lead me act them out using the computer.

In your name
Amen

What are you doing Lord????????????????

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. why do I feel like my life is about to fall apart Lord? What are you doing? Where are you? What are you trying to show me? I am finding myself questioning it all. I have been in this storm for way to long. I feel like the waters are going to drown me at any second. I am barely keeping my head above water.

I am trying....do you not want me to try anymore? I am giving it all to you cuz I obviously have no idea. I feel like you don't even care about me. Do you see my current situations that I am in? I feel like you are showing up in other people's lives. I feel like that sermon @ Spring Hills Church...when you feel God is letting you down. I try to get close to people and build relationships with them only to find that they are fake and don't reallt care and only commune with me when it is conveinent for them. There are a lot of reasons why I don't attend Calvary anymore. I miss some of the people, but as a church was a whole...not so much.

This anatomy class is so hard and I am finding myself being too hard on myself wondering why I am not getting the A's and B's that I am used to. I barely have a C and it is a scary place to be. I need to pass this class. I feel like my goal of nursing is so close yes it seems so far away.

I have major anxiety right now and it is effecting my performance in this class. I am thinking about moving, but oh to where??????????? The idea of Atlanta is being planted in my head, but now I am not so sure anymore. I feel like I will be left scrambling. I will be leaving everything that I know to go there. Oh Lord what is your will for me? Please show me. I am sooo looking forward to spring break where I will have the time to sit in your presence for longer than 15 minutues....

I try to call out to you, but I don't feel like you hear. Help me Lord NOT to lean on my own understanding in this huge storm that I am in.....

Life

It has been some time since I have written in here. Anatomy keeps getting harder. Two tests down and one more to go tomorrow. Three tests in one is is just plain brutal. It is no joke when they say that anatomy is one of the hardest class at the Santa Rosa Junior. When this is all over with it will be interesting to look back at it all and say "wow, I just completed that". I am thankful for Danielle King who has been an excellent professor so far. She really wants her students' to succed and do well in this course. She is working her butt off in teaching the material and we are working our butts off in making sure that we understand it all. I know that God has put nursing before me for sure. I actually like what I am learning and find it very interesting.

It has been very relaxing not going to The Rock. Now that I am not involved and have stepped down from all ministries I was involved in, I feel the freedom to enjoy other churches. I am excited for the move to Atlanta. I know that it will be different than California, but I am ready for the change. Sometimes in order to learn just who we truly are we have to push ourselves out of our comfort zones. I am learning that in anatomy for sure. I often find myself blurting out I don't know when deep down inside I really do know. I am working on calming my nerves and managing my test anxiety.

As far as living in this house is concerned....I can't wait to get out of here. I feel like a baby and get nagged at about the littlest details. Yes, we are living in your house Fran, but don't try to put your stuff on us. It is just the way she tries to address issues is so stupid and I don't feel like she really takes our feelings into consideration. I am thankful that is letting me slide on rent because financially thnigs are hard, but my heart is just not in this house. So I feel like I am about to turn into Kristi and just simply being gone most of the day. Now that anatomy is about to go into "4th gear" I will pretty much be eating and breathing anatomy more than what I already am! I know that God will see my through it all though.

Unforced Labor Auction---Christy and Andrew Mark

wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! tonight was amazing. I would say the 3-4 grand was raised tonight in order to help send Christy and Andrew to Mexico to help stop human traffiicing. I feel convicted in a lot of ways....looking at the computer for my own sexual desires.....I am sooo sick of it. Only God can truly satisfy me and I want my future husband Lord willing to be able to satisfy me in marriage and not have to depend on some computer. I was exposed to this by my dad as a little child...but now I am a grown adult and I feel to put this generational sin to an end with the Lord's help. The images make your mind sick. Girls are being forced into sexual exploitation and here I am choosing to have an encounter with these sexual sins. Thankfully there is confession and grace and repentance and a new start. It is a new month coming up in a couple of days and I want to start March out differently. Getting up in the morning even when I am tired and having quiet times and sitting with the Lord praying for others and lifting them up rather than my own needs. I have to trust that God knows my needs and he will provide as he sees fit in his due time.

Something that really struck me tonight was just the way God provided for Andrew and Christy! Both of their hearts are willing to go to Mexico and He is simply making it happen as they are saying yes to what he is calling them to do. I think of my own life and how right now things seem financially difficult and I have been doubting God. Tonight was a wake up call and it made me stop and think about my tongue. Instead of complaining about struggling financially, I should be praising God that he has provided for my needs. As the money seems to be running out he provides all the more.

I would say that my faith has been strengthened tonight and I have been challenged to walk more in the spirit and not in the flesh.

It goes with the same for my friendship with Renae. My flesh wants to be mad at her, but my spirit knows that is not the answer. I am going to deal with her at a distance for now and come back to her in due time, but right now I just need some space and hang out with my CORE peeps right now. I am growing to love this community so much and will be sad when the day comes when I will be leaving to head off to Atlanta.

Bitterness and Unforgiveness

Lord I trust that you can handle this. She is such a bitch! My heart is filled with bitterness and hurt and she does not even seem to give a damn. I feel like 2 years of my life have been wasted with this girl. I am really struggling right now with forgiveness and bitterness. My flesh does not want to forgive her, but I know that in my heart it is wrong to feel the way that I do towards her. Seeing her or thinking about her just makes me sick. I wish we did not even have the same name or even have met.
I need to for sure get away from this church right now and have that freedom to not see her in passing. I am debating if I am going to church on Wedensday or not. I really do not want to at all.
In your word Lord it talks about forgiving 77 times 7. That feels very hard for me to do right now towards this person. I have been continually hurt by her words and actions. When does one draw the line? Can you answer that for me Lord? I have been trying to be in your word, but it has been so hard. You are pruning me for sure and it has been a very painful process.
It feels very hard for me to want to pray for this person. After they have wronged me and betrayed me why should I? I should because you laid down your life for me and forgave me of my sins and expect your children to do like wise. Oh it is so much easier said than done. I need your help in this area Lord because my flesh just wants to hold this grudge, but I need to let it go and move on so that I can LIVE the life that you have called me to life. No one else is going to be and I can't be anyone else. After spending time with this girl and seeing what she allows no one else to see, I do not want to be her at all. Jumping around from friend to friend and guy to guy. It is a sad life and I do not want that for my life. I want to make real genuine friendships where both parties equally care for each other with thier actions not just with thier words. Help me Lord not to go to bed angry tonight. My flesh really wants to, but my heart knows thats not the answer. I need to be focus my energy on this upcoming test I have in anatomy this Friday. I need to score a mich higher grade on this lab exam so that I can bring my overall percentage up to a C average. Oh how I need you Lord.

Character

It seems that I always go back and forth in wanting to journal online or hand write my feelings. When I die, I do not want someone to come across my journals and read all of my personal thoughts. Right now the challenge for me is to be taking my every thought captive. I am being challenged in several areas of my life right now...a big one in being relationships specifically friendships. I find myself questioning why God brought certain people into my life. In one relationship in particular it has been a long time of drama.

In frinedships I have been learning the hard way of what it means to not only set up boundaries, but sticking to them. In my heart I want to hurry up and get out of Sonoma County. I have been here for far too long and God is moving me on to change. In these last several months in Santa Rosa, God has been showing me or allowing the bitterness to rise in my heart so that He can get it out and deal with it. Having bitterness eats one up inside. I am finding myself wanting to spend my last months here in Sonoma County with friendships where it comes naturally and does not require so much work all the time.

There are other things on my heart besides relationships such as financially getting by, taking a hard class this semester and discerning where I am supposed to move to in the summer time. This season has been one of great suffering for sure. It feels like it is never going to end. I need to be in the word and not staring into the computer screen. Sinning sexually is not going to make things better. In the word it talks about sin leading to death. If I keep on at this path, I am going to make myself sick in the head. Lord, I know that I am always praying to you confessing my sins to you and then asking for forgivness. I need to be fearing you trully and beinf afraid on death and sin and what it is doing to me.

Alonng with that my tongue. With my tongue I praise You and I curse you. It says that in your word. Help my tongue and my thoughts be used to left other people up and not bring them down. Because I am annoyed with a particular friendship, I am bringing this person down. It is not helpful for her nor is it helping me. I'm commiting it into your hands Lord and saying please take it from me. I can't deal with this on my own. It is making me sick. When I see this person I just want to throw up and not even be in their presence. That character is not of you Lord and it needs to be changed. I know that fully in my heart.