What are you doing Lord????????????????

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. why do I feel like my life is about to fall apart Lord? What are you doing? Where are you? What are you trying to show me? I am finding myself questioning it all. I have been in this storm for way to long. I feel like the waters are going to drown me at any second. I am barely keeping my head above water.

I am trying....do you not want me to try anymore? I am giving it all to you cuz I obviously have no idea. I feel like you don't even care about me. Do you see my current situations that I am in? I feel like you are showing up in other people's lives. I feel like that sermon @ Spring Hills Church...when you feel God is letting you down. I try to get close to people and build relationships with them only to find that they are fake and don't reallt care and only commune with me when it is conveinent for them. There are a lot of reasons why I don't attend Calvary anymore. I miss some of the people, but as a church was a whole...not so much.

This anatomy class is so hard and I am finding myself being too hard on myself wondering why I am not getting the A's and B's that I am used to. I barely have a C and it is a scary place to be. I need to pass this class. I feel like my goal of nursing is so close yes it seems so far away.

I have major anxiety right now and it is effecting my performance in this class. I am thinking about moving, but oh to where??????????? The idea of Atlanta is being planted in my head, but now I am not so sure anymore. I feel like I will be left scrambling. I will be leaving everything that I know to go there. Oh Lord what is your will for me? Please show me. I am sooo looking forward to spring break where I will have the time to sit in your presence for longer than 15 minutues....

I try to call out to you, but I don't feel like you hear. Help me Lord NOT to lean on my own understanding in this huge storm that I am in.....